Having My Baby!! (I'm A Woman In Love And I Love What It's Doing To Me.)
(Probably you’ve noticed, but! I have decided to title every blog post after a song. This song has always been a joke in our household because it is JUST SO RIDICULOUS! So I felt that it was only appropriate.)
Things in life don’t always go the way we plan. This is true for anything we undertake; and it rings especially true when it comes to “birth plans”. When I got pregnant I was incredibly back and forth about what I wanted when it came to having my baby. Do I get an epidural? Do I try and go natural? Pros and cons for both were weighed and noted; people and their incredible opinions were also listened too and noted. What I came to realize? When it comes to giving birth, people are incredibly opinionated, and there is no gray area when it comes to having a baby, it’s either black or white (epidural or natural).
I remember when I went in for my 8 week appointment. (I am the biggest hypochondriac… I thought FOR SURE that when I went in the Dr. would tell me that I wasn’t pregnant and that it was all in my head…. Even though I had had severe morning sickness, and tested positive on 3 different tests. :) I was scared, excited, nervous, happy, sick.. I conveyed to Dr. D that I wasn’t sure what to expect out of this pregnancy, as it was my first time. He told Daniel and I simply this, “Don’t read any books. There’s no need. I’m the doctor, not you, if there’s a problem let me worry about it because that’s my job. Here’s what you need to do, eat healthy, exercise, and surround yourself with people who love and support you. If you do these things you will have a great pregnancy, and everything will be fine.” I remember smiling, looking at Daniel and thinking, OK, I can do that!
As my due date loomed ever closer my doctor suggested that we take birthing classes. Up until this point we had discussed the many different options available for giving birth, and I had informed him that I was leaning towards having a natural birth. Daniel thought birthing classes would be pointless, I thought they would be necessary, and since I was the one actually going through the birth, I signed us up! Within the birthing class we learned different breathing techniques, what process we would go through within labor (all the different stages) and the best way to handle labor. I learned A LOT from the class, and I felt grateful and glad that I had signed us up for the birth classes. During one of the classes we watched a video of a woman going through a natural labor – it was her first pregnancy and her labor lasted 13 hours. At the end of the film I felt super encouraged, I could 100% handle that. The video that followed was a woman having an epidural during her pregnancy. The video really freaked me out. Something about getting a giant needle in your spinal cord… I thought I was going to hurl. In that moment I knew that I wanted to try and do this the natural way, the way I wanted, and felt I was capable of. I told Daniel that I needed him to have faith in me going through a natural labor, that, I could be strong enough, and endure through the process.
DISCLAIMER: Is getting an epidural a sign of weakness? NO! I knew going in to the hospital that getting an epidural wasn’t me giving up, or me buckling. There is modern medicine for a reason. Though our bodies (as woman) might be capable of going through the process as woman have for years before us with no medicine, does NOT mean that getting medicine today is wrong. I knew that if it got to be too much, if I was too tired, the process was going longer than expected that getting an epidural was going to need to happen.
I think that the hardest part mentally for me was discussing my plan with other women who had had babies. Hardly any encouragement. Most of what I got was comments telling me that my labor was going to be long, hard, no shorter than 40+ hours, that I wouldn’t be able to do it without an epidural, that I needed to be practical in my labor plan. I was really disappointed. As women, we need to be encouraging, supportive, and loving. Of course no two labors are the same, everyone goes through labor and pregnancy differently. However, your experience will not be my experience, and though yours may have been long, hard and difficult, it doesn’t mean that mine will be too. I am compassionate towards those women who were unable to execute the birth plan they had organized. I want all my friends, acquaintances, and family to know that I support them no matter WHAT! And I encourage them in whatever plan they choose and go with. You are strong, enlightened, and each know what’s best for you. To those of you who encouraged and supported me (and you know who are you :) Thank you. I learned that I am surrounded by great, amazing, and beautiful friends who support, love, and uplift me, and I hope that as we continue through life, I can only return the favor time and again.
Sunday, July 14: Just like any other Sunday. We went to church, enjoyed a beautiful Sunday lunch and afternoon nap. That evening both Daniel and I spent moving boxes of shoes to the garage, finishing up the office, and cleaning the living room. I spent over an hour on the phone with my great friend Jen discussing pregnancy, how I was doing, and my labor plan. I explained to Jen that I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions most of the afternoon and evening, but that because they aren’t painful, it wasn’t that big of a deal. We spent the rest of the night catching up on our TV shows… Typical Sunday night :) (Side Note: Erika Ellis and I had been conversing non-stop for the last 5 days as she was over her due date, and I KNEW without a doubt that Ruby was coming early. We continually showed similar signs of where we were at within labor. However, we had also been talking and mocking lots of old wives tales…. But that night I ate a ton of fresh pineapple, which is supposed to help induce labor :)
Monday, July 15th: I was awakened at 6:30 AM to my first real contraction. SUPER uncomfortable, and strong enough to wake me up from a deep sleep. The contractions continued well into the morning approximately 10 minutes apart. Thankfully I had a Doctor appointment set for 10 AM that morning. When I got to the appointment I was unsure of whether or not to tell my Doctor that I was even having contractions, I thought for sure it was just false labor and that come afternoon everything would be back to normal. When my Doctor came in to talk to me, he told me that he wanted me to set up my 40 week appointment, as well as schedule an induction for that week too. (He didn’t want me to go over my due date by weeks.) I figured it was probably a good idea to tell him about the contractions; I was also afraid that my mother was going to burn holes into my body with her laser eyes. Rather nervously and unsure I informed my doctor of the contractions. He decided to check me and see what was going on.. During the check he ran right into Ruby’s head instantaneously, and I had a contraction. At the end of the contraction he told me to sit up, and very calmly he informed me that I was 4cm dilated and 95% effaced. He then informed me to go walk around for a bit, and that he would either see me later that day, or early the next morning. (He didn’t want me checking in to the hospital until my contractions were a steady 5 minutes apart.)
The rest of the day’s activities included, updating Daniel on what was going on, getting red velvet pancakes from IHOP, grabbing quick groceries from Winco, and making sure we had food for the dogs. The contractions continued through the afternoon, but by the time I finally made it home to take a nap they had slowed significantly and I was convinced that was it. When Daniel arrived home around 7 the contractions had picked back up, but they were super sporadic ranging from 6-10 minutes apart. My family came over to help us finish straightening the house, as well as get her room together. Daniel’s mom and Matt showed up as well and put together the rocking chair in Ruby’s room. By 11 o’clock Daniel wanted to make sure that I was in bed and getting as much sleep as possible, so we got ready and went to bed. Daniel stayed up all night playing around on his computer, by then I had handed over contraction timing to him as I dozed in and out of sleep. Every time I would have a contraction I would squeeze his arm.
Tuesday, July 16th: At around 4:15 I sprang awake to a very extreme contraction, and Daniel informing me that he was calling the hospital as my contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart. In a haze I called my mom to tell her we were on our way to the hospital, and somehow managed to grab our suitcases and get dressed. It was absolutely dreadful sitting in the car; laying down and dealing with contractions was MUCH easier than having to sit up. The nice thing however, was that my new “mommy car” came equipped with seat warmers, which were a life saver!
(Early in the AM, as I was in and out of sleep, I had a dream. In my dream, my dad’s parents, who have both passed, came to see me. It was so real, I thought I was awake. They both just smiled and stood there, it was such a beautiful moment. The best part was that I didn’t recall the dream until later on in the day. I remember holding my sweet baby and looking at her face, and the dream came back to me, and I knew that they had been there, with me, Ruby, and my family as I delivered this beautiful precious gift into the world.)
Daniel dropped me off and helped me get inside the ER, where I was placed in a wheel chair and wheeled upstairs to the delivery ward. At 4:30 I met my first nurse Kelly in triage. My contractions were still between 2-3 minutes apart, occasionally I would get 4 to 5 minutes, or I would have a contraction that would linger longer than the allotted 1 minute. Kelly checked baby and I out, and things were good, Ruby’s heart beat was strong, and the contractions were doing their job, I was dilated to 5 cm. We were admitted and placed in our delivery room.
My mom met us in the room, and I met my second nurse Patty. (SIDE NOTE: We had the NICEST nurses the entire time we were at St. Vincent’s. Everyone was incredibly kind, helpful, supportive, and positive. It was a really great experience.) Patty was super awesome, she hooked me up to my IV (I was really dehydrated) and informed me that if I wanted any type of pain medication it was up to me to ask for it, which I really respected. (In our birth class the instructor made it seem like the nurses were going to ask me if I wanted pain medication every 3 minutes, and so I was super stressed out about that situation. I knew that if the nurse kept asking and pressuring me I was going to give in, and I really wanted to see how long I could go, if I even needed them at all.)
By 7:15 I was tired. I had been having contraction for 24 hours, and had been in active labor for 3. I looked at Daniel and told him that as strong as I was, I was tired, and that maybe it was time for plan B. He went and got Patty who came in and said that before she did anything she wanted to check me and see how things were going. In a span of 3 hours, I had gone from 5 CM to 8 CM, she told me that if I wanted pain medication it was now or never. I really count this moment as a blessing. In that moment I was given the choice; I knew I was a strong person, and that if I wanted too, I could continue on the road I started and deliver all natural, or I could take a break and get some rest. I remember seeing the panic in Daniel’s face as I told him I was going to finish down the road I started with a natural birth. He was so incredibly supportive, but I know it was incredibly difficult for him and my mother to see me in so much pain.
The nurses started prepping our delivery room for the arrival of our baby girl. By 7:30 our nurses changed, and I got two new nurses. Again, two very supportive, kind, and amazing nurses; Sophia was on her last rotation before finishing nursing school. Debra was super supportive of my natural birth choice, and helped me to stay calm and to remember my breathing. At 8:30 AM my Doctor showed up. (When we arrived at the hospital Patty had informed me that if I wanted to deliver with my Doctor I had to hold on and wait until 7 when my Doctor would begin his rotation. Debra informed me when her rounds began that he was on his way in, but that he was just taking a quick shower. While in labor that isn’t necessarily something you want to hear. However, I am grateful he came to the hospital clean :) By 8:30 I was 9 CM and my water still hadn’t broken. My Doctor decided to break my water, and informed us that within an hour or so we would have a baby. Prior to my water breaking my contractions had been at a pain level of about 9 or 10. After Dr. D broke my water I thought all hell had broken loose. It was CRAZY!
At 9 AM Debra informed me that I would begin to feel pressure as the baby moved down the birth canal, that this was a good sign of her doing what she was supposed too. I was unsure of what she was talking about but acknowledged her comments regardless. (Nodding at this point, was all I was capable of.) Almost 10 minutes after she left my eyes flew open and I remember looking at Daniel and telling him that I needed to push immediately. Debra and Sophia came back in accompanied by my Doctor, the bed was prepared for pushing purposes and the process began. Pushing a baby out of your body… Probably one of the strangest experiences, and by no means easy. Ruby decided that she was a little gun shy about making an appearance, and so she decided to be difficult. I was given an oxygen mask and during the moments I wasn’t pushing, Daniel would put the oxygen mask on my face and I would pass out. It was crazy, but I was so tired at that point that I was grateful for the break. After 7 hours of active labor, including an hour and 10 minutes of pushing, our little Ruby Joan McMaster was born. She was 8lbs and 8oz, and 21 1/2″ long. She had an INCREDIBLE head of hair, and was super awesome during her shots, first bath, and first feeding. She was extremely alert and attentive to what was going on around her. One of my favorite moments was watching her Daddy give her her first bath. Oh and watching Juli (our life photographer :) who came and took pictures of the delivery) cut the umbilical cord. It was funny, my doctor asked Daniel 2-3 times if he wanted to cut the cord, but he just kept saying no, so Juli volunteered. Made me laugh.
It was an amazing experience. As soon as she came, all of the pain ceased, and it felt like I had just completed the best workout of my life. And I was starving!! I couldn’t wait to eat! Juli made sure I got a menu, whereupon I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich, potato chips, and a strawberry milkshake. DELICIOUS! Probably the best meal I have EVER eaten :)
The rest of the morning went smoothly. Poor Daniel was so tired that as soon as the doctors cleared out of the delivery room he passed out. I on the other hand was wide awake, and so I spent the time talking to my parents and processing all that had taken place. It’s interesting… As a nation, and as women, we spend a lot of time talking about being pregnant, and delivering a child. Not a lot of time is spent talking about what happens afterward (other than how tired we’ll be) and the commitment of breast feeding (which I’ll talk about later…) Most of the afternoon Ruby spent in her little glass hospital cradle. When she was hungry, Daniel would change her and bring her to me, I’d feed her, she’d fall back asleep, we’d swaddle her and put her back in there to sleep. Occasionally we’d take turns holding her. It was a really weird experience to go from a someday having a kid frame of mind, to all of the sudden here she is, and you’re in charge of her, and good luck. I had been so used to being punched in the gut, elbowed in the ribcage, and watching my belly bounce when she had the hiccups. It was strange for all of that to end so suddenly, and to now have to learn how to actually CARE for a child. It took me a couple of hours to connect with that little nugget, and I think part of the reason is that the experience was just so all of the sudden.
That night Ruby was having a hard time breathing, and she was extremely upset! So as new parents we went through the checklist – we knew she had a clean diaper, that she had just been fed, she was swaddled nice and tight so she was definitely warm – we weren’t sure what was wrong. Finally we decided to strip her down and place her skin to skin, which calmed her down immediately allowing for her to fall asleep. When she woke a few hours later to be fed was the first time I got to see her little eyes open. It was an amazing, awe inspiring moment; and I knew in that moment that she was mine, and I was hers. All my worries about not connecting with my child went out the window as we just sat and stared at each other. Watching her search my face the song “Yellow” by Coldplay came to my head… “Just skin oh ya just skin and bones. Turned in to something beautiful. And you know, you know I love you so. You know I love you so.” I couldn’t believe that I Daniel and I had created this amazing little life and that I now got the joy and pleasure of being her mom. I knew right then, that I would do whatever it took for that little girl to be happy, healthy, and safe. I cried. I just held her and cried. I wasn’t prepared to fall in love so hard, or so quickly.
Overall the experience of delivering a child was incredible, amazing, empowering, and something I am willing to do again… In the distant future :) Oh! And even more exciting… Ruby’s Heavenly best friend Carly (my best friend Erika’s daughter) was born 3 hours and 5 minutes after Ruby. We had joked the entire time we were pregnant about how it would be funny if they came on the same day. Turns out that was what the girls had planned all along.
