This week I have been working on FINALLY getting some family pictures uploaded in to the picture section of our blog. This has forced me to look through old photos of Daniel and I engaged, Daniel and I at our wedding, Daniel and I graduating, Daniel and I pregnant with Ruby, Ruby's birth, and everyday photos of baby Ruby. There may have been some tears here and there looking at pictures of my baby. I seriously do not understand how time goes so fast. And I know... I KNOW I have talked about, mentioned, said blah blah blah how much I both love and hate this phenomenon. 

Yes I love watching her grow, and learn, and become her own individual, spirited little three year old self. But when I look back at those pictures, I miss my baby. And the snuggling. And that new baby smell. And when she couldn't hit or talk back (or whatever else obnoxious horrible things three year olds pick up and do.) 

When we first found out we were pregnant with number two, I wasn't too sure I wanted to take hospital photos again. I figured I had already had the experience once, how could it be different. But the more I look at those pictures, and the memories and moments they hold I am so very excited to have pictures with this next one. Some of the most beautiful and sacred moments, faces, and memories come to mind when I look at those photos. I have never seen such love, devotion, and worry etched in to my husbands face than when I look at those pictures as I am trying to deliver our little girl in to the world. Then the pure love, joy, triumph, and exhaustion after she made her appearance. If I ever want to know how much he loves me... Or if I need a reminder I'll just bust out those pictures :) 

This joyous nostalgia has all come with some serious apprehension about delivering this baby. Of course I was worried and paranoid the first time around... But let's be real, that first time around, you have NO idea what you are in for. Delivering Ruby naturally was a challenge, FOR SURE! 7 hours of labor with an hour of pushing... No small feat. I know they say that number two comes faster (which I am seriously banking on) but having gone through it once before, I also know exactly what is about to happen. And although I do not remember the extreme pain, or stress my body went through, I can just look at those pictures, listen to stories, and remember (albeit vaguely) that it was no fun. The funny thing? I have talked to several of my other pregnant mama friends about delivering (some who want to attempt VBACs and others who had an epidural the first time) naturally and for some reason talking to them, explaining to them, boosting them up and giving them courage is easy! I know that if its something they want to do, and they are able to, they most certainly can. But then I get in my own head and doubt and panic and question whether or not I can do it. 

Another thing... With kid number two on the way, I have also become overly paranoid about how I'm going to mother two children. Will I love them both? Will they both get enough attention from us? Will they both know how much we love them? Will I be a good parent to two kids? Will they feel neglected? Will there be enough of Daniel and I to go around?! I know everyone says that I will love the second like I love my first, and in different ways I'll love them both immensely. But, I still worry and panic that maybe I'm not ready for this. When expressing my panic and worry to my beautiful best friend Erika Sha had this to say, "This boy is going to have more people to love on him. You, Daniel, AND Ruby. And same goes for each other too. It won't be undivided like Ru, but now she will have a buddy and a lifelong friend to grow up with which she wouldn't have gotten on her own being an only child. And same goes for baby boy. He will have so much love from his family. He will be smothered." It was so well said, and so beautiful, that it gave my nervous mind and worried heart a lot of comfort. 

Todays doctor appointment made me realize just how soon baby boy will be making his entrance. (As in hopefully next week.) While brining to life all of my paranoias  and fears and worries yet again. But the truth is? I wasn't "ready" the first time. And I'm not "ready" this time either. But I know everything will be ok, and that this little boy is supposed to come to our family. And I'm excited to watch Ruby become a big sister. Will it be easy? No. Will there be hard days ahead? Yes. But I have my handsome husband, my beautiful little girl, and my soon to be charming son to get me through this crazy thing called life. As well as my supportive, encouraging friends, helpful family and so many more to feel all the feels with me, cheer me on, and be there when mama needs a night out. 

And those are my thoughts for the week.  

Cheers!