Next. Level. Tired.

I thought I knew what it was to be tired in High School, staying up late studying for finals. I thought I knew what it was to be tired in College, staying up late studying for finals and finishing up term papers. I thought I knew what it was to be tired in Graduate School, planning work samples, working late in to the night on Action Research projects and studying for finals. I thought I knew what tired was when I had my first baby, staying up late worrying as a first time mother, checking to see if she was still breathing. I thought I knew what tired was when I was pregnant this second time around, uncomfortable and as big as a house. 

None of those moments pale in comparison to the level of tired I have currently reached with a 5 month old baby who wakes up like clock work at 1, 3, 5 and 7 to eat, and a toddler who is currently trying to kick her afternoon nap while also waking up at 7:30 AM. 

I am currently waffling between snarling angry monster, and weeping slobbery mess. Truly, you never know which Katie you are going to get. I feel like I am going crazy. And not like, "Oh, she's kinda crazy" crazy, but more like legit "Commit that woman" kind of crazy. 

McMaster women NEED sleep. And between my daughter and myself I feel terrible for my poor husband who tends to either be the peace keeper, or the one getting ripped apart. (I can't fault the man for saying that he's going to disappear for that one special week out of the month...)

So Angelic.. 

Ruby is not quite ready to kick that nap, and though I do not mind her getting up so early, I do mind when she refuses to then take a nap. Because by 6PM, gone is my sweet toddler only to be replaced by a freaking werewolf. It is truly a sight to behold. Snarling, wild eyed, crazy haired, flying around the room, making out of this world demands. I feel like Mike Wazowski teetering on the back of the couch tossing Cheerios to (what he thinks is) a rabid child every time she opens her mouth. Only with Ruby it's frozen waffles, fruit snacks, and popcorn. (Yeah. She's a world class eater.) It's like night and day when she gets a nap, she wakes up this pleasant, rosy cheeked cherub, "Why yes! Yes you can do whatever you like you perfect little human you." 

And either Ruby was an amazing sleeper as a baby (which she really was) and never had a four month sleep regression, or I blocked it from memory, but let me tell you - it is NO joke. I am currently a legit Mombie. I don't think there is enough concealer or highlighter in the world to cover up the dark under eye circles I got going on. It is truly unpleasant. 

I just LOVE those little feet.

Somedays it's a miracle if I can make it to noon without having to sneak naps in here and there. The other day I lost count of how many Curious George episodes Ruby had watched. Talk about mom guilt. But also, thank HEAVENS for that monkey and his show, which equal parts makes me smile and stresses me out. At this point I'm just trying to survive and do the best I can. With almost two months of these horrible sleeping patterns I feel like I'm being held hostage by my kids. Like somehow Ruby has talked Linus in to aiding her in breaking me down to the point where she can watch George all day and I don't care. Bunch of scallywags. 

Please don't worry about me. I do get naps. And somedays I am a rockstar mom making it out of the house to the movies with two kids in tow. Truly it is all about balance and knowing your limits and letting go of mom guilt. Because NONE of us are perfect. And yes, someday all too soon I know I will miss endless hours of Curious George, 3 AM feedings, watching my toddler run around the room like a wild banshee, and soothing my sweet son at 5AM with kisses. I also know, that as a mom, I will always be needed, loved, and there for my kids whatever the time of day or night; and I am slolwy beginning to understand why as moms we learn to function on less and less sleep - because it truly is overrated. I know I will forever be "tired" and possibly weary, but I know too, that my heart will forever be full of love and gratitude towards these two tiny humans.  

So Mombies unite! Pat yourself on the back. Raise a glass of your preferred drink, and know that you are doing the best you can, and honestly, that's all that matters.  

CHEERS babes!